im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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