i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
pray to the hookup gods
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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