Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
