Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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