You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
