what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
