i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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