omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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