I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize