my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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