I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
