you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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