how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
