she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
