Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
