stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
