I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
