Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
