i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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