omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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