My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
