I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
