I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
