So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize