Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
