i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
