based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
