after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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