So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
