And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
