I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you never un-have a 4some
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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