i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
