2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
