Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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