i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
