I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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