So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
