that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
