the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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