You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize