She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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