Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
