I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
