he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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