we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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