Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
