I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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