saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
