I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
