You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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