this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
