ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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