seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
