she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
