Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We won't sleep together?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
