my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
