i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
