my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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