My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
