do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
