At least make sure they are 18
Why
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
