R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
