I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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