Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
