it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
