I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
