She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
