I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
