If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
