I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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