Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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