Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
