He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
