Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
