he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
