dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
