i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize