I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
