THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
